Lose 10 Gain 10

Just after 2012 Christmas, I saw on a BMI chart that I was about to enter the 'obese' range.  I was shocked...for a second.  It quickly dissolved into realisation.  A light bulb moment.  Why was I surprised, I had been feeling every bit of those numbers before me for years!

I was physically and mentally pushing my body to breaking point.  Lethargic, fatigued, grumpy and just generally tired of moving was my everyday life from dawn till dusk.  I would feel annoyed when my boys wanted me to 'play' or take them to the park.  I was shouting and losing my temper and patience at situations that it was uncalled for.  Sleeping gave no rest as I was 'getting up' as tired as I was when I went to bed.  I knew I wasn't feeling healthy anymore, so despite not liking 'charts', I needed it to push me into action, and action I did as...

today, I hit a milestone...today, I can happily say that over the last 8.5 weeks I have lost a total of 10kg.  

I'm not sharing this to look for praise or recognition, I'm sharing it as I want anyone else who has felt as I have, overweight, unhealthy and mentally down, to take some inspiration.  But, most importantly, I want to share that the big picture is not to look for the 'loss' but look at the 'gain'.

In my loss, I have gained so much more.  

1. have become a much happier woman, both in my emotions and in my outlook on myself as a woman.
2. am able to enjoy my children to the fullest.  No longer do I groan when they want me to 'get up' and play or help.
3. take great pleasure at challenging myself physically. 
4. learnt to become aware of the food I consume and better control what and how much I should eat.
5. ascertained stronger willpower and find myself not missing any of my 'old food favourites'. I have new ones.
6. allowed myself to have a new hobby (running) that is for me and only me.  Become comfortable at allowing myself 'me' time rather than always being a giver.
7. opened a whole new section of my 'wardrobe'.
8. no longer out of breath just walking stairs.  Physically feeling 'alive'.
9. smiling more.
10. able to embrace 'fitness' and 'health' in a positive and enriching manner.

My biggest accomplishment to date though, is finding the strength to pick up and start over again each time I failed.  This is my 5th attempt at taking back my mind and my body.  To get myself in a physical and mental state of equilibrium.  I feel the best I have felt in years.

Most importantly though, I have not done this alone.  We can't.  Support needs to come from all around and I have had some amazing support along the way.  I am ever so grateful for them!  Many friends have commented saying that I have inspired them, but in all honesty, their encouragement inspired me to keep going...so thank you!

If this piece can give someone their light bulb moment, a sounding board to relate with and encourage a desire to strive for 10 gained over 10 lost, then sharing this has been highly worthwhile and an empowering exercise.

Shame on you.......

Tis fair to say that I only have myself to blame for my failure.  The disappointment at my lack of discipline is no others fault but mine.  I went head strong into this with every intention to succeed but was met with the first hurdle and I crashed head first over it!

So, why the long face, why the blame game.  I know my failures, I know my weakness.  I have to start to realise that I have to be responsible for my own actions.  Have to see that there are others in the world who can and do cope, so why not me.  Why Not ME!

Get on up off the athletic turf, pull the hurdle bar from your preverbal and run straight for the next hurdle, but this time SCALE it.  Life is a wasting!!

Mother, Wife, Student.....Cougar??!!

As the days of my life roll into years, I inevitably am acquiring a repertoire of hats, an assortment to fit every major roll in my life.  The mother hat; imagine the ever useful Dr Seus red and white striped number, a hat that a 'mum' can pull things out of like dinner for the family in five minutes, entertainment for a toddler, the remote control, toilet training, you know, just the general few juggling requirements. Then there is the hat of a wife; it's somewhat more a fascinator than a hat really.  Elegant, understanding, compassionate and comfortable, simply able to go with anything at anytime.  Ah, but now the student hat...a cap that keeps me looking 'young' enough to blend into the crowd, but says logical; sun protection and a hair 'cover' as I don't have time for self grooming with everything else going on in my life!


But NEVER in my wildest dreams would I believe someone could think I wear the hat of a 'cougar'!!  It's the only logical reason I can conjure for why a young man of his early 20's would even consider attempting chat up lines on this old broad!  But, how enlightening, enriching and titillating the experience all the same.  So last week I was fitting into my endearingly favourite jeans, but this week I'm being advanced upon by the youth of today.  If ever there was validation that my hard work is paying off, I guess this is it!!

Only minutes after completing my ever favourite Zumba class, my sweaty blushed cheeks and I were patiently waiting at gym reception for a staff member.  I had noticed the young herd of wanna be stallions meandering close by, but really didn't give them any notice.  However, that was until one of them, with a little canter and shake of his main, clip clopped over to strike up a conversation with me.  Now with a closer look I could see these were not stallions but merely a herd of Shetland Pony's.  "I'm sorry, are you confusing me with your Aunt?" is all I wanted to answer.  I was confused and maybe a little embarrassed at his advances, I mean, it's been a long time for me. So much water has passed under the bridge.  Surely he could see I was not of the decade that would graze in his paddock.

What was amazingly surprising though, was how fast and automatic my body language leaped into gear, I mean, it's been locked away in storage for some time now.  Instinctively and subconsciously,  I had twisted the wrist of my left hand in an attempt to flash and bedazzle him with my bling.  Make him aware that I was a married woman.  Now if only I could have had him see the 2 baby seats in the back of my ever faithful family wagon.

But all this aside, thank you little pony for one hell of a ride down memory lane.
It made my night, day, week, year.

So, what did I choose...Courteous

....right or wrong; you be the judge, but I did make a quick assessment and went into this quandary with some thought!  I had a plan evolving for how I was going to make my decision work in the bigger picture!

So, as I said, in the name of gratuity and being neighbourly, I accepted the offer of a piece of cheesecake, and yes, on top of the copious calories already consumed!

Ah but now, before you pass your judgement, here was my assessment, my plan and the actions I proceeded with post this little sweet succumbing.

My thoughts were moving towards, 'this is not just a piece of cheesecake, it is symbolic', it had labels all over it.  So, I accepted the cheesecake, but was hovering doing a birds-eye view at the cutting.  I gave strict instruction as to where the knife needed to be placed and it's line to cut.  I ensured I gave myself a small sliver and chose more strawberries than sauce to accompany it.  Perfect little sweet on a plate.

Now, my plan in term's of the 12 week Body Transformation program, I remembered that in the weekly planning of meals, Michelle always allocates a 'free meal' for a Saturday night.  It occurred to me that I hadn't actually used mine the night prior.  Bingo!!  I decided this lunch would be my 'free meal'.  Somewhat more calories than what I would have liked, but this is where the plan continued and actions decided.

I spent the rest of the afternoon consuming just water, no 'snacks' and made a very low calorie choice for the evening meal, a Tuna Salad with no dressing.  So calories and meal planning revised, next was to add some exercise into the mix.  I went for an evening run, burning 300 calories and then the following day, I did an additional workout to what is my standard Monday routine.

Now, the moment of truth be revealed, how did all my plans and actions stack up.  This morning I stood on those scary scales and pleasantly discovered there is still a weight loss showing.  I can happily say that I believe now I made the right decision at the time simply because I then thought it through and planned around it.  I didn't allow a 'guilty conscious' to take hold.  I stood by my choice, and rather than be the 'victim' I planned for the balance, the 'action - reaction' binaries.

Pretentious or not, Pat on the back to me I think, this was a personal lesson this week, and I think I passed!

Courtesy! To be...or not to be, where do you stand?

Before proceeding with this Courteous Or Not post, I'll put it out there that it would be enlightening to hear the opinions or experiences of others about this dilemma.  So, without further ado, the painting of the picture and scene of the quandary...

My little family unit have lived in this home on this friendly street for four years.  We have exceptionally lovely neighbours of whom we do the fence line banter with often.  One particular neighbour, the Lovely C, offers care and socialisation for my boys  on a regular basis.  She has taken them for walks, shares toys from her own older boys and is a dearly reliable carer.  But despite all this socialisation, we have never had a meal with any of our neighbours.  No Christmas drinks or street BBQs.  This has been as much about us not inviting them, as it is the neighbours not inviting us for lunch or dinner.  Not from want or thought, just life and laziness.  Well, that was until yesterday however!!

For the first time in the four years living here, the Lovely C knocked on our door inviting us over for a small soiree to Christen their newly built wood-fired oven!  Now, while keeping to the program meant that 'homemade pizza' was still able to be made to a healthier 'option', we didn't anticipate 'trouble'.  A little preparation and we wandered on over there with our own pizza toppings of some crisp fresh vegetables and made a pizza ala Michelle 12WBT style.  Yummy veggies and cheese free!!

Sounds great... right...well.....

The dilemma unfolded when smarts and strength should and would have stopped me at one piece of pizza, a comfortable 250 calories (approx), BUT, I went on to eat three pieces in total!  "OH"... "GASP" I hear!!  Well, let me tell you that my self destruction did not have to stop there.  The Lovely C's husband served up onto the table one decadent, home made cheesecake with strawberries and raspberry sauce.  He had worked on it that very morning.  I was challenged!

Now, hubby and I had only just been talking about our success for the first two weeks into the 12 week Body Transformation when we were promptly dished up with this testing cake.  Now, when I say testing, it wasn't simply the temptation of the sweet taste of the cheesecake, but the debate of being 'courteous' or not in a very new, impromptu dinner party setting.

In the taste of hospitality, to eat the cheesecake shows gratitude for the invitation, the generosity and appreciation for slaving in their kitchen all morning.  A gratefulness for pulling the three families together;  BUT, as I type this, alarm bells go off ringing the sounds of excuses and justifications.  But to not eat a small portion, even with the game plan of working it off running through your mind, would it have been rude.

I realise how ironic this is that it occurred during the 'no excuses re-evaluate' week of this 12WBT, but it stood out as a true challenge due to it's spontaneity!

So, I put it to you, what would you do?  Courteous or Not? These situations arise for everyone everyday, but in the face of the goal of loosing weight and gaining wellbeing...would you eat the cake or not?

"Hello Lover!"

Oh lover...dear lover, how long ago it was that we parted. A parting that was so necessary, yet so sudden. I never appreciated how long it would be before we would finally meet again. How long before I would lay my eye's on you once more, feel your softness on my skin, my curves feel the touch and caress of you.

I have spent so many months, days, hours, yearning for you. Our past 12 months apart have been like an eternity. I had put you out of my sight, but you were never far from my mind. I remember the admiring glances I would give you. There are so many memories of our times shared as we were rarely parted. I trusted in you, felt comfort in you and how you played your part of my ever faithful and dependable companion. You were the one I would turn to on my high days and my low days. I could dance with you, curl up on the couch with you. Nothing was ever out of the question, you were always there for me.

Oh denim, sweet denim jeans. My seeing you again today made my heart skip a beat! Dusting you off and laying you out simply filled my heart with excitement and fear. Oh how the angels sang in that moment, that moment I felt your zip close, so bitter sweet! Finally, awareness of shedding a few necessary layers!

You see I love you for all that you are, for all that you were and for all that you mean in this wonderful milestone moment at this time in my life. You see sweet denim jeans, you have been my goal for this fitness lifestyle experience in my life. My desire for an accomplishment, a hurdle for stepping towards 'self discipline and dedication'.

Now I will declare to you that in these past 12 months, you have never been far from mind, just in this past fortnight, you have been my inspiration. Today, I have met you again, I have felt you and I have concurred you!

But, my lover, while it might break you to hear this, I must declare that our re-kindled love is doomed. Our romance can be, and will only be, a short affair. We are destined to part again. This may make you lonely, but I'm sorry to say it must be. It warms my soul to wear you, to share with you another beautiful day, but I will outgrown you, or should I say "un-grow" you! There will come a time, sometime in the very near future, when I will need you no-longer. You will not be able to understand my shape, my needs.

You have always been a great support, but I will appreciate this time, for what it is, a short time. We will have our brief affair, have one more fling, but when I say goodbye this time, I will mean it! I will replace you with a younger smaller model, that is true, but you will always be my first love. This younger smaller model will never have the history that we have shared. It will never get to experience feeling me jump in the air shouting "whoop whoop". It will never be you, and I can happily say I can live with that.

Hello my lover.... and goodbye my lover, for the last time xx

Im sorry?........and you are?!

....no, I'm not talking to this red spot that appeared on my chin in the last 24 hours, that of which I'd like to think is my body expelling toxin's from my system, but I'm asking and talking to the woman within the woman!! I'm talking to this woman, whom has obviously been engulfed, sunk under layers and layers of fatty flesh, laziness and little self faith, that is emerging and replacing the old 'me'.

A woman that has taken crazy to a whole new level, well, so the old me thinks anyway! A woman who is not afraid to attend a gym twice in the one day! Who goes to gym only to then call people up to make walking dates that very same afternoon! But.....careful now as i'll even take note if your walking to slow! Wrath be thy name! The old me would NEVER do that. I mean, the old me would struggle with a tug-a-war battle about just going to the gym in the first place!!

So, to put it out there, I have been one of the laziest people I know!! Ask my dog and she'll tell you the same thing. I would much rather laze about my house, not doing anything that would be an exertion of physical activity or requiring me to move out of my very comfy four walls. Ridiculous really as my home backs onto a gorgeous park! Ah, who needs to go into it when you can pull up a fine deck chair and stare?! I couldn't even be bothered to go out there and throw the ball for my VERY active dog. Instead I'd sit inside and feel bad about neglecting her....how pathetic given I couldn't get much closer to a large park!! But, this is just how I was. Now, take note of that word WAS.......

As it's a whole new ball game now. I'm sitting here typing this post having just returned from my second Zumba class of the day; and today isn't any different than most of the days since the Week 1 kick off!

This woman is doing what she should have always done, embraced life and the aspect of getting out into it! It's like she's discovered something new! That exercise makes you crave more exercise. How naive though, to think I've found something new. This isn't new, this information has been common knowledge and shouted from rooftops to me and the rest of the world for years. Obviously my mind has been sunk under layers of laziness too.

But, whomever this woman is that is now emerging, I'm loving her and glad that she is going to be here to stay. She is replacing someone I simply didn't like anymore. She is the reason why when I run my hands down my face I feel cheek bones. The woman that is to be thanked for an emerging sculpted décolletage!
Hmmmmm.....wont it be lovely to have her stay!

How wonderful this world of wellbeing!